Happy Holidays
Gift Wrapping with a Puppy
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog & sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box & put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting the way as she "helps".
17. Let puppy tear paper remaining to be cut.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from her mouth.
21. Tell older dog to hold tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with roll of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.
Seagull Oscar & Seagull Kip
"resting"
It begins...
A dead tree, normally fair game for marking, is dragged into the living room. Ornaments resembling dainty dog toys are sprinkled over the branches but you can't mark or mouth anything! The people are fiercely protective of this oddity. It is even strung with warning lights.
The doggies huddle and discuss the matter. The oldest explains this seasonal madness to the youngster. "The people have gone mad - it will pass. Give it three weeks."
Soon, tons of food begin to fill the house - none of it for dogs! Next, huge overstuffed bags and boxes appear and are crammed into closets with no ceremony at all. The dogs have seen squirrels hoard in this way, but they are worried. When your people begin to act like squirrels no good can come of it.
Then strange objects appear - candles, odd dolls with pointed hats and beards. Worst of all, everything sports a ribbon around its neck. The dogs suspect that doggies will be the next thing festooned...
The bags are hauled from the closets and everything is covered with inedible paper and, yes, more ribbon. Then the whole mess is arranged under the tree corpse and the dogs are warned that any urine will be sternly dealt with. One of the socks hung on the wall begins to smell like dog toys and pricey dog treats.
Trussed up in nasty holiday sweaters with bows chafing at their necks and pride, the dogs huddle once again. "There is more", the elder says. "Children come." (Our home is normally a "child-free" zone - safe for other living things.)
Sure enough, human puppies spill out of cars to tear open all the packages the dogs were forbidden to touch. Then they turn their attention toward the dogs. The old dog braces for the assault. The pup tries to make a break and finds that children, puppies that they are, love a moving target.
Finally everyone eats and the pup discovers what the elder dog has known for over a decade. Sit by the kids, they drop food. Plus, in a pinch, you can take food from them quite easily. They're always running around with something they don't really need clutched in their tiny, dog level, hands. A sip of punch, a cookie, a cracker, some cheese, teething biscuits, milk from a baby bottle, a candy cane - it's a doggie bonanza for a clever thief. Sometimes they'll even give you stuff. All in all, it's worth the overzealous hugs and minor atrocities.
Eventually, the children, the presents, and (alas) the food, have all gone away. The dogs eye that fat sock on the wall - the one with all the tantalizing smells. Sure enough, their people begin dividing up the treats: a bone, a ball, peanut butter dog biscuits, toys with the squeakers intact, stuffed animals not yet disemboweled. The madness has brought some joy after all!
In an hour exhausted dogs will settle on the couch to watch movies even they have seen before. As the dogs finally pass out, their people begin gently picking bits of candy cane from their fur. The earth is spinning slowly again.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS!
Kailee & Debbie and all the critters at
Seagull ,LTD.
Puppy Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Ten Christmas cards I should have mailed,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Eleven unwrapped presents,
Ten Christmas cards I should mailed,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
A dozen puppy kisses...
And I forgot all about the other eleven days.
Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!......
All I wanted to say to you and yours was "Happy Holidays and Happy New Year"... until I ran it past my lawyers, and this is what came back...
From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee"), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:
This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
1. This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
2. This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement the inferences contained in this correspondence.
3. This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain geographical locations.
4. This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
5.The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
Surely by now you realize, everything must be taken with a bit of humor??
-Debbie
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